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Vaticanists in Land Grab Offensive


Rome, July 3, 2012.—Attacks by the Vatican Swiss Guards invading homes in the vicinity of Castel Sant ‘Angelo after midnight yesterday have left scores of Italians dead and many others unaccounted for. While a stunned Italian citizenry awaits the press conference announced by Palazo Quirinale for this evening, reporters from all international press agencies are interviewing eyewitnesses being treated at Ospedale Maggiore for shock and injuries.

“I thought it was a nightmare,” said Mario Viminale, a 40-year-old shoe salesman who lives on the ground floor in a building just across from The Castel Sant’Angelo bridge. “There is this tall, blond guy dressed up like a Swiss Guard pulling me out of bed and shouting at me in Latin. I thought it was one of those dreams in which you are taking an exam and can’t even understand the question.  My Latin is pretty much limited to Pace vobiscum so I couldn’t understand what he was shouting except that he kept repeating Imperium Domini Fides (The Empire of God’s Faith). I said:

Va bene, va bene, IDF, I got that, but what do you want with us?

Ilaria, my wife, who sleeps in the living room because I snore, came up from behind him and started hitting him with a frying pan shouting : “ Ladrone! Ti mando in galera! Cornuto!” which distracted him, so I opened the window and jumped out.

I ran all the way as I was, barfeoot and in my pajamas, to the Carabinieri station near the Mella Stregata coffee shop but I couldn’t talk to anybody. It was a madhouse. Like war but less orderly.

Maria Piacenza, a 25-year-old barista being treated for a broken foot, cries quietly. “No, I wasn’t at home last night. I stayed at my sister’s in Trastevere because she is expecting, but this morning when I tried to return home I couldn’t find my house.” In-between sobs she adds: “It had been demolished. I broke my foot trying to walk in the rubble. There was only one wall left standing and they had spray painted  graffiti on it: “The Pope was here” and “Sono porci questi Romani.”
[Editor’s note, “The Romans Are Pigs,” an ironic translation of the acronym, SPQR, Senatus Populusque Romanum, used by the Roman municipality as its seal.)

La Stampa and Coriere dela Sera both have editorials along the same lines:
Why did we allow it to happen? We should have seen it coming. It is true that it was in the offing.

The oficial Vatican organ, L’Osservatore Romano, has been publishing incendiary editorials that raised eyebrows for quite some time now, claiming the Vatican needs more land to ensure its security, citing the menacing aggressiveness not only of marauding foreign tourists but also of Italians, whom they accuse of trying to delegitimize the Vatican with stories of pedophilia and trying to spread their contraceptive and divorce paganism all over the world.

Citing the disfigurement of Michelangelo’s Pietá statue by an atheist vandal and the rubbing of Saint Paul’s foot by the pretend faithful into a pitiful stump, the Vatican insists on its increased security needs. Complaining about centuries of persection and oppression ever since the Reformation, and citing their God-given right to the land where Christians were killed for sport and St Peter is buried, the vaticanists have advanced the agenda of Greater Vatican.

The most recent editorial, published on the eve of the attack, asked the oft-repeated vaticanist question: “Why can we not have a defensible state of our own? The “Italians,” came here after we had made the pagan and ugly land beautiful, they are an invented nation concocted by extremists like Garibaldi. They have the whole “boot,” Sicily, Calabria and also a part of Switzerland. Let them go there. Why don’t their divorce-loving brothers give them shelter? This is the state of vaticanists world-wide and we intend to defend it, for which we need more space and the strategic position of  the Coli Albani.”  The Albani Hills that surround Rome have become a battle cry for vaticanists: “Grab all the hilltops you can!”

It is expected that The Quirinale press conference tonight will contain an official request for help from the European Community, the UN, and even NATO. In the chaos of panick the city is full of rumors: has the Vatican developed bacteriological WMDs in the long-suspected labs down in the the mysterious dungeaons, underneath the Musei Vaticani and perhaps stretching further into the ancient catacombs? Why don’t they ever allow inspections of the underground tunnels? How many Romans have been abducted by the IDF Swiss Guards and where are they being kept?

Reactions from abroad have been mixed. The State Departmant refused to condemn the vaticanist attacks outright saying it is too early to tell, more time is needed, and reiterating that the US supports peaceful dialog without preconditions.

In a press release Cameron repeated for the most part the State Department’s position but, staking a rather independent stance for the UK, diverged from the American statement by changing all the  “or” word endings to “our“ and “ize” to “ise.”

At the press conference in Moscow, Lavrov responded to the reporters’ question about Russia’s position by a citing a Russian folk tale about a wolf, a bear and a rabbit.

South America has been silent on the issue so far, primarily because the national selections for the Latin America Football Cup are vividly disputed, and Lionel Messi is being seen more and more as an “assist guy” than a scorer. The exception is Cristina Kirchner of Argentina who gave a press conference commenting cryptically that the Malvinas belong to Argentina.

Chavez’ silence so far is interpreted by some as ambivalence towards the Vatican due to his perceived conflict of interest, i.e., being a supplicant who has made pleas for intercession by Vatican-related higher authorities for a cure for his serious illness.

In the meantime the victims of Vatican’s aggression have erected tents on both sides of the Tiber still unoccupied by the IDF, and are trying to manage everyday life as best they can in what may be a very long wait for justice.

53 Responses to Vaticanists in Land Grab Offensive

  1. who_me July 2, 2012 at 6:28 pm #

    cool! the inquisition will return. i can turn in my prebyterian neighbour and then make a claim on his property. they have some of the best property around.

    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 2, 2012 at 6:34 pm #

      Not so fast, you self-hating vaticanist.

  2. searching July 2, 2012 at 10:28 pm #

    Vatican became the seat of anti-Church and anti-popes, right after Vatican Council 2.
    All the “reformed-modernist” changes that were approved there, were done by freemasons, who infiltrated Chuuch many,many years prior to that. True wolves in the clothes of the sheeps.
    They managaed within 50+ years (since 1958–death of pope Pius 12) to destroy a good chunk of the Traditional Church ,and what worse, millions/billions of brainwashed, blinded catholics do not see it, or they seem not to mind it.
    The damage is terrible ,and to a degree unrepairable. Small groups that pulled from this neo-Anti-Church are treated like heretics or schismatics ,even thought they saved the true teaching of the Traditional Church.
    All of if is actually predicted (prophetised) in the Bible in Saint John Revelations aka Apocalypse.
    Here is a very interesting article on the subject. Recommend reading it.
    It looks like we ARE in the End Times, no matter if we see it or not,like it or not, agree with it or not. Bummer.

    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm #

      yes, but…
      This piece has as much to do with the Catholic Church as the saying “ants in the pants” has to do with myrmecology

      • searching July 2, 2012 at 11:21 pm #

        this piece is about , post Vaticanum 2, anti-Church that was deformed so much since 1958 that even though offically it bears the label of the Catholic Church, in reality it has nothing to do with the Real Traditional CC.
        As it was predicted in Apocalypse.
        The external “uniform” is offically named a Catholic Church, but the invisible, internal spirit is not the holy, Godly one. The post-Vatican 2 “reforms” were meant to destroy the CC, the same as the EU was created in order to destroy Europe.
        Missions accomplished. Many people are still living in the la-la land, unaware of what’s going on.
        By the way of deception.
        And many are deceived. far, far too many.

    • fool me once... July 3, 2012 at 1:34 am #

      Hi searching,
      when I was looking into the references in AT’s story I came across this interesting link which mentions pope Pius 12. Some pictures at the bottom if you scroll down and there’s quite a bit of info in the comments. You might find it interesting.

  3. Jonathon Blakeley July 2, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    Imperium Domini Fides

  4. who_me July 3, 2012 at 12:06 am #

    Ariadna Theokopoulos

    is fides a typo of fido?

    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 1:16 am #

      only if you are referring to the US

      • who_me July 3, 2012 at 1:26 am #

        bark, bark ;D

        • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 2:06 am #

          thats’ what I meant: the dog, not the tail that wags it

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 3:37 am #

            yeah, tails tend to be silent, unless there are some dry leaves to rustle. i don’t know if you have noticed, but a beer sat on a coffee table is usually fair game for tails.

            i suppose a way to get around this delemna would be making the coffee tables high enough so the tails cat reach the objects set upon them. such developments await, though.

          • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 3:57 am #

            I wouldn’t know. I hate coffee tables and never had any. They prevent a dog from enjoying himself like crazy running from one end to the room to another before leaping on the sofa and looking at you, tongue hanging with an expression that says “Am I the best ever or am I?”. It’s a joy worth replacing coffee tables with side tables.

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 4:12 am #

            “It’s a joy worth replacing coffee tables with side tables.”

            i believe you might mean end tables. and they do provide a viable alternative to a coffee table, but, tails will still tip a beer on an end table.

            that’s not good.

            so end tables should be raised, as well.

  5. who_me July 3, 2012 at 12:22 am #

    “Circuit Court Judge Michael Nettles has ruled that in addition to a lengthy prison sentence that will be proceeded by five years of probation, Tolley, 28, must also read the Old Testament book of Job and write a summary for the court.”

    if that don’t teach her, i don’t know what will.

    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 1:35 am #

      Learning about by the huge number of inmates that say they found God in prison I have revised my way of thinking and consider the fact that the US has the largest number of inmates in the world (larger than China) a solid plus.
      I have also revised my thinking on the judges who have partnerships and investments in the private prison system and whose verdict records on incarceration have been shown to have increased substantially. I now see them as missionaries doing good work.

      • who_me July 3, 2012 at 1:48 am #

        “I have also revised my thinking on the judges who have partnerships and investments in the private prison system and whose verdict records on incarceration have been shown to have increased substantially. I now see them as missionaries doing good work.”

        yes now that kiddie fiddling priests and human organ trafficking rabbis have shown the old fashioned religions are now passe, and old hat, western civilization needs a new superhero to guide the lowborn to the paradise. and now, with modern judgeship, they have it.

        all that good stuff of the old time religions, plus mechanical devices. western civilization has been saved! rejoice, and pass the the pump!

        • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 2:03 am #

          Unbelievable. Land of the brave . Under their robes

  6. Mariapalestina July 3, 2012 at 1:10 am #

    “Vaticanists in Land Grab Offensive”
    I find this an offensive title for this piece. It implies that all of the land surrounding the Vatican wasn’t promised to the Papists in a secret ceremony over two thousand years ago. I have a scroll somewhere.

    • who_me July 3, 2012 at 1:29 am #

      i’d be careful about posting your scrolls on the internet. unscrupulous people have learned to master a program called “photoshop”.

      • who_me July 3, 2012 at 1:31 am #

        this isn’t the good old days, you know, when decent folk could post up grandma’s scrolls without worry to what the web hoodlums would change them into.

        • fool me once... July 3, 2012 at 1:50 am #


          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 2:00 am #

            fool me once…

            that is obscene. you should be ashamed of yourself. think about the people of boston, what will those poor, hardworking souls think about their one claim to historical greatness being censored from history? think man, what have you done to the people of boston? the kids will grow up without a future! think of the damage such a blatant ommision causes.

            that’ll be 3 hail marys for you.

          • fool me once... July 3, 2012 at 2:23 am #

            Get behind me satan, I repent, I’ll gladly accept those three marys as long as I can wear your cilice on that special place that you showed me!

          • searching July 3, 2012 at 3:26 am #

            joke , joke, but one beautiful day you’ll die, your flesh will be eaten by a very hungry worms, you will smell like a trio of skunks, within a few weeks your poor , little body will be decayed,fallen to pieces, only some miserable bones left and then what..?? Who is going to welcome you??
            What if there IS some reality on the other side?? What if devil will welcome you in his eternal kidgdom.?? what if it will be too late too change anything???

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 3:40 am #

            “What if devil will welcome you in his eternal kidgdom.??”

            searching, are you making a catholic freudian slip?

          • searching July 3, 2012 at 3:45 am #

            your choices, you’ll pay for them day..
            hopefully, I will be flying in another dimension. a nicer one.

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 3:48 am #

            “I will be flying in another dimension. a nicer one.”

            you mean you’re not now?


          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 3:49 am #

            where’s damien, btw?

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 3:51 am #

            or was she called damian?

          • searching July 3, 2012 at 3:42 am #

            here is very interesting video to watch.
            The russian scientist photographs the human soul .
            “God reveals Itself in nature, in everything that surrounds us”.
            “Who am I that you remember me”?

          • searching July 3, 2012 at 4:07 am #

            here is another very interesting video. I
            am afraid that who-me may pee in his pants upon watching it.scary.
            and 9/11 devils faces

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 4:15 am #

            “I am afraid that who-me may pee in his pants upon watching it.scary.”

            searching, you posted something from youtube….

          • who_me July 3, 2012 at 4:23 am #


            ghosts are real. don’t stare at the car in this video:


    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 1:39 am #

      If enough readers complain and advertisers threaten to withdraw their support of deLiberation we may publish a retraction or an edited version.
      What title do you consider more appropriate: would
      Vatican Self Determination and independence
      be acceptable?

    • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 3, 2012 at 4:06 am #

      Hey, Mariapalestina, will Via Appia be “For Vaticanists Only”? They already have a Wall with gates (‘mura’). Will there be checkpoints at all the gates? You seem to know.

  7. searching July 3, 2012 at 4:27 am #

    we are all doomed. we let oourseleves to be gobbled by lies. one after another.
    there is so much proof showing that 9/11 was an internal job ,but many either do not care, or they refuse to look at the evidence and prefer to delude themselves with convinient lies.
    the same goes for many , many other things, including lies made up about Syria ,which even though it has been proven that the MSMedia lies about it, again,
    many people simply do not care, or buy those outragoues , evident lies for whatever reason.
    we are a civilisation of lying and liers.

  8. who_me July 4, 2012 at 3:08 am #

    great quote from this:

    “you’re so not upper class. and the upper class realise any

    • who_me July 4, 2012 at 3:14 am #

      oops, accidentally clicked the button too soon, let’s try this agan:

      great quote from this:

      “you’re so not upper class. and the upper class realise any animal that’s been tortured obviously tastes more delicious.”

      sometimes even chubbies can get it. 😉

      • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 4, 2012 at 4:16 am #

        I like it when Californians –more than other Americans–emote over the suffering of geese fattened up before slaughter. It gives me hope that any day now they will apply their compassion to fellow human beings as well.
        I don’t know if Barbra Streisand, for exmaple, does or doesn’t eat foie gras on ethical principles. I saw her in a photo with Peres looking at him with eyes brimming with admiration. I am hoping she stops eating foie gras–a small first step– and from there takes a leap to …. emoting over Palestinians. Perhaps then she will see Peres as a haham.

        • who_me July 4, 2012 at 4:31 am #

          isn’t streisand a nyorker? she always was the typical liberal jewish nyorker to me – all mouth and establishment apologist. i really cant see a cali act doing yentl and keeping a straight face. in fact, i can’t see anyone pulling off that manure east of the colorado, except maybe in washington, which are a mix of israel and utah and a disgrace to the west. 😀

          • who_me July 4, 2012 at 4:33 am #

            “i can’t see anyone pulling off that manure east of the colorado”

            west of the colorado.

          • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 4, 2012 at 4:56 am #

            Sounds like you never heard of hollywood

          • who_me July 4, 2012 at 5:39 am #

            “Sounds like you never heard of hollywood”


            hollywood would at least make the show look real by dressing striesand up in a red and black spider bodysuit, complete with psycho problems:


            along with giving her a batman mask to wear. also they would have a few cardboard alien spaceships fly about in the backdrop in a few scenes. cant be without them aliens post roswell.

          • who_me July 4, 2012 at 5:43 am #

            yentl is the sort of class/race/gender boring stuff only our superiors in ny could appreciate.

            the rest of us uneducted louts simply would ask:

            who cares?

          • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm #

            Have you ever watched Curb Your Enthusiasm?
            It is a humorous sitcom –by the Larry David, creator of Seinfeld, whose characters are not middle-class NY jews but rich California show biz jews.
            Episodes like the main character going to the bathroom in a Goy’s house –improbably, there is an icon of St Mary in the bathroom, but the script needed it to be there–and the jew pee-sprays it by mistake.
            The Christian woman who goes to the bathroom after him sees a few drops on the icon and believes it is a miracle and Mary “weeps.”
            Much canned laughter. Maybe you had to be there. And to be jewish.
            Various movie stars appear as themselves, all moving in the same upper class Jewish circle.

          • who_me July 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm #

            “Have you ever watched Curb Your Enthusiasm?”

            nope. from your description, it doesn’t sound like i ever will, either. 🙂

          • Ariadna Theokopoulos July 5, 2012 at 1:23 am #

            you should–it is informative

          • who_me July 5, 2012 at 10:00 am #

            Ariadna Theokopoulos

            “you should–it is informative”

            no thanks. i’ve seen all the american television that i ever want to see. i don’t think i could stomach any more.

          • fool me once... July 13, 2012 at 5:29 pm #

            “Larry David, creator of Seinfeld, whose characters are not middle-class NY jews”
            Would this be the type of middle-class NY J’s you’re not referring to? The lyrics give so much away of the NYJ mind-set. There are even Seinfeld Sandler name checks in this one;
            and a Larry David one in this;
            “i’ve seen all the american television that i ever want to see.”
            This ain’t usa TV but rather a master class in the art of parody, great lyrics;

  9. fool me once... July 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

    “Have you ever watched Curb Your Enthusiasm?”
    There’s something about the format and delivery that I found to be a bit sinister even though I’ve only seen snippet’s. There seems to be a “new” underlying agenda it’s certainly not as subtle as other J humour.

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