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The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won

We have to destroy the environment as quickly as we can.

These are the findings of the Movement for Environmental Sabotage and Subversion (MESS).

The position of MESS is that the attempt to preserve and protect the environment and to lessen the environmental impact of human activity is irresponsible.  At their annual conference on Easter Island, site of the most complete depletion of resources by a human society in history, MESS President Sacken Pylledge proclaimed, “We wish to thank the Easter Islanders for their courage in showing the way to the rest of the world.  They are a model for us all.”
President Pylledge went on to describe the main tenets of MESS as:
  1. Since human population is constantly increasing, reducing the average impact that each human makes on the environment will only delay the poisoning of the air and water, the extermination of species, global warming, weather changes and the destruction of resources necessary to maintaining human life, to say nothing of the rest of life on the planet.
  2. Delaying the devastation means that it will affect much larger numbers of humans than bringing it about more expeditiously, which has already been postponed far more than necessary.  In effect, we are bequeathing the consequences of pollution and exhaustion of resources to our children and grandchildren, rather than suffering them ourselves.
  3. It is therefore incumbent upon us to destroy the environment as quickly and thoroughly as possible, so that we pay for our own actions, and not our descendants.
 President Pylledge praised the Easter Islanders who cut down and burned all the trees on their island to build monuments and make sacrificial fires, thus giving up forever the seafaring life that brought them to the island – as well as their means of escape – and depriving them of the resources of the sea.  In addition, they exterminated all but the smallest animals on the island.  As a result, the population was reduced drastically by war and famine to a tiny fraction of its former numbers.
 “These people used traditional means to reduce the surplus population, not artificial birth control and conservation. Who ever heard of any species on the planet practicing conservation or birth control?  It’s unnatural and has terrible consequences for social structure.”
“Excuse me,” I asked, “but doesn’t war, starvation and pestilence also have disastrous consequences for society?”
Pylledge patiently explained,  “Take a look at the societies that have large families and runaway populations.  They are much more socially cohesive.  The children learn from each other and take care of each other.  Typically, several generations live together in large family units where all contribute to the family and where problems are typically solved in common.
“Now look at societies where one or two children are the norm.  These children are loners.  They are independent and don’t share.  They’re often antisocial, and spoiled, as well, with all the upbringing invested in them alone.  They’re used to lots of privacy, which means that they need more housing space to accommodate them, and they don’t work as well in teams.  The proportion of wackos skyrockets in these societies.
“Sure, war and pestilence is nasty, but adversity also instills a sense of self-sacrifice for the common good, as well as the values of bravery, generosity and tolerance, at least within the members of the society.  You’ll never get that from folks who have been brought up mainly to care about themselves and want to be left alone.”
“But what’s left after the destruction?” I asked.  “Who wins?  CO2 levels have never been at such high levels since life began on earth.”
“I’m glad you mentioned that,” he said.  “In fact, the first life on earth was plant life depending on CO2 and converting it into oxygen, thus poisoning their own environment.  As the poisons built up, some of the plants appear to have developed tolerance and eventually evolved into animals that burned the oxygen, thus restoring the balance.  Do you see how environmental destruction contributes to progress?”
After the MESS meeting, everyone was invited to a cockroach ranch on Easter Island where we feasted on some of the islanders’ favorite delicacies.
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2 Responses to The War Against the Environment Has Yet to be Won

  1. who_me July 27, 2012 at 6:54 pm #

    you forgot to mention the most important aspect. environmental degradation will bring on mass cannibalism among humans. necessary if humans are to evolve and flourish throughout the universe.

    let’s hear it for soylent green!

    • Barb Weir July 27, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

      Of course. Perhaps Hansel and Gretel deserve a new interpretation.

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