NRA Opens Gaza Chapter
by Barb Weir
Monday, January 14th, 2013
The National Rifle Association announced today the opening of its new chapter in the Palestinian Gaza Strip. Wayne LePire, NRA Executionary Vice President, said the establishment of an NRA chapter in Gaza was long overdue.
“We hope to achieve for Palestinians the same right that we enjoy as Americans to accumulate our own personal arsenals of democracy. We wish to share our success in defense of these rights with our new friends in Gaza,” said LePire. “We were shocked to discover that although Jewish citizens of Israel have nearly unlimited access to weapons, they have gone to extreme lengths to deny similar rights to Palestinians living under their rule – including many who have Israeli citizenship. Our Gaza chapter will be working to reclaim these rights.”
With regard to the choice of Gaza as the location for the office, LePire said that although the NRA would also like to open an office in the West Bank, neither Israeli authorities nor their Palestinian subcontractors would issue the necessary permits. “We recognize that Palestinian access to weapons is limited even more in the West Bank and Israel than it is in Gaza. However, we have to start somewhere, and if we are successful in opening the door for more weapons in Gaza, we think that it will be the model for the West Bank, as well. We think that guns are the answer to many of the problems that Palestinians face.”
We think that guns are the answer to many of the problems that Palestinians face.
“What has been the reaction to the new NRA Gaza office?” I asked.
“It has been mixed,” said LePire. “The Israelis have been quite hostile to it, and the Abbas government had no comment. However, the Hamas leadership has been quite supportive. Surprisingly, we have encountered resistance from sicko pacifist Palestinian groups similar what we see back in the U.S. These idiots seems to think that nonviolent resistance will get results for them. One reason we felt it was important to open our Gaza office was to counter the growing threat to freedom of arms trafficking that these groups represent.”
“Is there any particular significance to the opening date?”
“Frankly, we opened a week earlier than originally intended because our members in Gaza just couldn’t wait. We wanted the opening to coincide with Martin Luther King Day [January 21] because we know that the great civil rights leader would have been a staunch defender of the right to own and carry weapons. It is tragic that he lost his life due to a lack of sufficient weaponry in the civil rights community. We are here to make sure people are properly armed. There’s no gun problem that can’t be solved by more and bigger guns.”
Posted by 5 Responses to NRA Opens Gaza Chapter
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Ariadna Theokopoulos
January 14, 2013 at 10:31 pm
Given the very large number of satires by Barb Weir that I have thoroughly enjoyed–practically all I have read– it is surprising–given the law of averages–that this is the first one I did not. I did not quite get it.
The view that the nonviolent resistance gets no results for the Palestinians is supposed to be so patently absurd that only the NRA may espouse it?
Jay Knott
January 15, 2013 at 3:21 am
Satire can be used to defend almost anything. Barb Weir writes good satires: http://tinyurl.com/ckmkrxe
This article could be a critique of the fact that gun advocates in the US don’t advocate arming the Palestinians, as they would if they were logical about extending American rights worldwide. But I don’t think it is. The sarcastic comment “there’s no gun problem that can’t be solved by more and bigger guns” suggests that Barb thinks that the NRA’s position is equally wrong for both Americans and Palestinians. I think Barb advocates pacifism, which for Palestinians, is surrender. I’ll be happy to be told I’ve misunderstood Barb’s argument.
Barb Weir
January 15, 2013 at 7:55 am
Here are the comments that I have received privately:
M, have you seen this? She cracks me up.
This is hilarious!
This is sick!
Nice touch Barb! You are improving with age…….
PERFECT! Thanks.
Wow! Interesting. Thanks for sending.
I have been waiting for this article for a long time.
Barb just gets funnier.
The purpose of this piece is to ridicule hypocrisies and inconsistencies of all manner, not to advocate pacifism or anything other than human rights. Both nonviolent resistance and armed resistance have achieved a few mixed victories for Palestinans thus far, but nonviolent resistance is more widespread amongst Palestinians today than it was ten or twenty years ago, for better or for worse.
Jay Knott
January 17, 2013 at 3:14 am
“I’ll be happy to be told I’ve misunderstood Barb’s argument.”
I’m happy.
fool me once...
January 16, 2013 at 11:39 pm
Baptised Episcopalian, now Presbyterian, Rand Paul weighs into the Gun Control debate with a peculiar back drop, which the presenter cannot ignore;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=HA3jwOFjHhw
.
“it is none of our business whether Israel builds new neighbourhoods in east Jerusalem or withdraws from the Golan Heights; the U.S. should not tell Israel how to defend itself.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rand_Paul