Thanks to the vigilance of its Israeli handlers, the world’s largest democracy staunchly repelled a foreigner considered unfriendly to Israel, and therefore to India, as well.
According to sources in New Delhi, Israeli intelligence services alerted their Indian counterparts that Dr. Paul Larudee was scheduled to speak at a Student Islamic Organization gathering in Kerala State. Since Dr. Larudee is already banned from Israel for excessive human rights activity on behalf of Palestinians, Indian security forces acted promptly to enforce the same policy in India.
This reporter was able to reach an official at the Indian Foreign Office for further details, which she provided on condition of anonymity. For this report, I shall refer to her as Botin Pedfor.
Barb Weir: Ms. Pedfor, are you satisfied that Indian authorities handled this matter appropriately?
Botin Pedfor: We did the best we could, Barb. Dr. Larudee came on a tourist visa, so we weren’t aware that he would be speaking in India. It’s illegal to speak without permission here. Anyone who intends to speak to more than two people at the same time during their visit is required to get a registered institution in their own country to send an official request to a registered host organization in India to send an official request to an Indian government ministry to send an official request to the Indian Foreign Office to issue a conference visa to the individual. Of course, the request must contain all necessary information, such as when the applicant intends speak, the applicant’s biodata, work and education history, supervisor at each place of employment (with contact information), history of travel, distinguishing bodily marks and scars, religious convictions, childhood diseases, sexual preference, favorite music, regularity of bodily functions, and of course the same information for all immediate family members. If Dr. Larudee had completed this procedure, we would have properly rejected his visa request, in which case we could have avoided this unpleasantness, our citizens would have been spared an excess of free speech, and neither we nor our Israeli supervisors would have been embarrassed.
If Dr. Larudee had completed this procedure, we would have properly rejected his visa request, in which case we could have avoided this unpleasantness, our citizens would have been spared an excess of free speech, and neither we nor our Israeli supervisors would have been embarrassed.
Barb Weir: But don’t visitors come to India all the time on tourist visas and speak to groups? My sources tell me that some fundamentalist Islamist preachers came here recently on tourist visas and spent much of their time speaking in public.
Botin Pedfor: Such incidents are not that common, Barb. As far as we can determine, misuse of the tourist visa happened less than 11,532 times in 2012. Besides, our Israeli guidance counselors objected to only a handful of those cases, and I’m proud to say that we took the appropriate action in every single case. You may recall that British journalist Yvonne Ridley was one of these cases. Trust me, she will not soon be planting thoughts of human rights in the minds of our proud Indian people again, or asking questions about our relationship with Israel – at least not on Indian soil.
Barb Weir: Do you mean to tell me that Israel had no objection to Muslim fundamentalists coming to India?
Botin Pedfor: Of course not. These visitors plant exactly the image of Islam that Israel wants everyone to have. They are welcome at any time.
Barb Weir: If you don’t mind me asking, why is India cozying up to Israel? Didn’t you used to be a leader of the non-aligned movement and an advocate of neutrality? Now India is the biggest customer of Israeli weapons.
Botin Pedfor: Neutrality and nonalignment are long gone, Barb. We need Israel’s sophisticated weapons to defend ourselves. Their Iron Dome system proved itself in Israel’s latest invasion of Gaza. Do you know that it shot down 41% of all the rockets that still use sixteenth century technology? If Mughal invaders ever threaten us again, we’ll be ready.