Bob Simon brings peace to the Middle East

Bob Simon extolls the virtues of Israel’s Iron Dome weapons system.

60 Minutes reporter Bob Simon waxed lyrical about Israel’s Iron Dome weapons system.  “…a technological marvel, a cutting-edge weapon of war that even some pacifists might come to love. Instead of killing people, Iron Dome saves them.”

“Will Israel’s ‘Iron Dome’ help bring peace?” asked the 60 Minutes website approvingly.

With this in mind, Simon managed to persuade 60 Minutes producer Jeff Fager to interview Israel’s adversaries about the peace plan, then return to Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak with the results.

“Mr. Barak, I think you’ll be extremely pleased with the results,” reported Simon, after completing his tour of the Middle East.  “I’ve spoken to military commanders and defense ministers in Gaza, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Egypt – even Iran – and they all think Iron Dome is the perfect answer.  They all want to acquire it so that everyone can shoot down aircraft, missiles and drones that have no business flying over their territory.  I thought you would want to know so that you can start distributing the system immediately.”

There was a moment of silence and a bemused look on the Defense Minister’s face before he answered.  “Excuse me, Bob, but perhaps you misunderstood.  We want to defend the citizens of Israel, but not the citizens of Lebanon, Syria, Iran and other countries, and certainly not Gaza.  Only two weeks ago there was a reported attack in Syria to prevent a similar defensive weapons system from making its way to Hezbollah in Lebanon.  We were rumored to have been the attackers because we said we would never permit Hezbollah to defend against our incursions into Lebanese airspace.  Of course I can confirm only that we don’t want anyone to be able to defend themselves against us, only us against them.”

“I guess I did misunderstand,” replied Simon, a bit bewildered.  “I thought this was a weapon of peace that saves people instead of killing them.”

That’s right, Bob.  And we want to save Israeli lives.  It’s the other lives that we don’t want to save.

“I thought you wanted peace, Mr. Barak.”

“Of course we want peace, Bob.  Israel always wants peace.  But how can there be peace when Lebanon still occupies all of Lebanon and Syria refuses to recognize its territory as belonging to Israel, and there is still an excessive Palestinian population in what you call the West Bank – to say nothing of the East Bank, Gaza, the Sinai, the shores of the Gulf of Aqaba and so much more?  Sadly, the Arabs still refuse to move elsewhere and – even worse – to recognize the right of Jews (and not Arabs) to all of this land.

“Peace is really elusive, Bob.  But don’t worry.  You and 60 Minutes did a great job of selling our expensive Iron Dome system to countries like India so that they can shoot down almost half of Gaza’s primitive rockets that use 16th century technology.  Please accept our thanks for your help.”

Posted by Barb Weir on February 19, 2013. Filed under America,Comedy,Israel,Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.